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Sunday, March 4, 2012

Honoring My Husband with My Bangs

A couple weeks ago I cut my hair. Since I can't decide if I want to grow it out or not, I kept the length and style the same and just had my ends trimmed. Nothing too drastic...unless to count my bangs!!

Now I know for some people their hair is a source of individuality and experimentation; their playground to try different styles, cuts colors and more. Others know a good thing and stick with it...for years! I guess I'm a little of both. It's been long, short, naturally curly, chemically straighten and highlighted but that's about it; nothing too crazy...unless you count my bangs.

Let me tell you a little story about my bangs. My husband and I had just started dating in the fall of 1999 when he left with his family for vacation. I offered to watch their home and help take care of his ailing grandma. While sharing stories and photos with her, we came across one of me with bangs that had been taken a few years prior. She loved my hair and told me how much Tony would too. (Now this is where I should have smiled, nodded and kept my looks just the way they were. Oh, but hindsight is always 20/20!) Instead, I made a bee-line to the salon and had those bangs revived! Unfortunately, neither I nor my stylist had the common sense to cut them in a current style. I left the salon looking like I had just stepped out the pages of a senior year book circa 1988! Imagine my new boyfriend's surprise as he walked off the airplane and was greeted by his girlfriend...bangs and all!!! He didn't even speak to me. At dinner all he did was stare at them, try to push them down and continue to ask why I would take his grandma's advise on hairstyles! Thankfully, he saw past my bangs and married me anyways (the following year, after they grew out)!

The bangs I wanted.
Actress Catherine Zeta Jones. 
This time, I was thrilled when I left the salon! They were nothing like "the great bang explosion of 1999", so I really didn't think he would mind. As I walked into the house, he didn't say much, but I knew in my heart he didn't like them. Over the next couple of days, he suggested that I try styling them straight across my forehead. I tried it - once - didn't like it and went back to sweeping them off to the side. Then while working on my Bible study, "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace, I was reminded that I am to be submissive to my husband, in ALL things. If I am to strive to be the wife that God has called me to be, then I need to submit to my husband in the big and small, even the seemingly trivial like bangs; because,

when it comes down to it, it's not about bangs - it's about having a heart of obedience to (1) God and (2) the wishes of my husband whom God has placed as the head over me and our family. 

For twelve years, I have made sure to keep my locks bang-free. When I left for the salon, I knew how my husband felt about cutting bangs into my hair, yet I did it anyways. It wasn't intended as an act of defiance, but rather as a way to hide some adult acne scares. Regardless of the reason, it was against his wishes. 

The next morning, as I got ready for the day, I purposely styled those bangs I just had to have the way my husband wanted. Honestly, I hated them!!! They drove me crazy all day!!! They were in my eyes; they tickled my forehead; and I couldn't stand the way they looked! I keep thinking, "Why am I taking hair advise from a bald man! Really God? I have to listen to him on this one too!?!? But it's my hair! I know better! Can't I just keep doing it my way?" Although my heart wasn't in it, I did them the same way again the next day. By evening, they had started to grow on me. Maybe he wasn't so off on this one after all! :-)

Guess I really like them! It's something different and I'm enjoying the change. Most importantly though, I know that I have been obedient to God by honoring my husband, even with my bangs.

Photo credits: - Catherine Zeta Jones - Jessica Alba - Tiffany Amber Thiessen - Halle Berry - Bettie Page


Karen said... [Reply to comment]

I LOVE your bangs!!!! I hope they grow on your husband, too, so you can keep them. :)

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks Karen. Actually since I started doing them the way he suggested, he does like them, a lot! So it's a win, win. :)

Kim Hall said... [Reply to comment]

I love the way your bangs look! Isn't it amazing how something so simple can change our looks so much?
I have always been amazed, too, at how eager we are as young ladies to please our men, even if it means we follow well-intentioned but not very good advice, bless his grandmother's heart!  :-)
I find when I have a different opinion from my husband about my hair (he adores long hair) or other things, we chat about the why, and he is always very understanding of what ultimately works for us as a couple and as individuals.

Jami said... [Reply to comment]

LOL! That is so funny, my husband is the same way about bangs! He is so weird about it but I love the conclusion that you came to. The Excellent Wife is one of my all time favorite books. Everytime I read it I am so convicted about my life, my sin, how I treat my husband, and how I treat others!! Thanks for sharing, so glad that I came across your blog today!! :

Jami said... [Reply to comment]

Your bangs in the last picture are super cute by the way!! And your story shows too that God blesses us when we submit to and love our husbands! :)

Jami Leigh

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Hi Jami, I'm glad you found us today too :). The Excellent Wife is great! Really puts you in your place. Funny you said that it influences the way you treat others beside your husband. Our group was just talking about that last week. The Biblical principles she talks about really apply to ANY relationship. 

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks ;-) Thanks for leaving your blog site. I hopped over and found that I already had it saved from this morning. I haven't had a chance to read your post yet, but I saw your link at The Better Mom for 31 Days to a Patio Vegetable Garden. Too funny!! Guess it was just God's timing today that we meet! :)

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks Kim! You are so right. Discussing each other's opinions in a loving, respectful way is always best. 

Chelle said... [Reply to comment]

Fortunately for you, you are lovely with or without bangs.  I have a similar experience...I've always had long fingernails, and the fashion has been either rounded or squared.  For years, I've had to explain to my manicurist that while ovals may be out of fashion, it's what my husband prefers, and he holds my hands.  It's a little compromise, but since it doesn't matter to me and does to him, it's a simple gift.  The joke in our house (which actually came from a blog post I wrote entitled "An Excellent Wife") is that I am an obedient wife, particularly when it suits my purposes.  I know, I am one of God's works in process...thank God for Grace.
Great post.
Peace and good to you.

Little Mommy said... [Reply to comment]

You look adorable both ways!  I love God's little "reminders" to us ... they are always there if we are listening! xoxo

Fawn said... [Reply to comment]

Love the bangs!  Very cute.  I love God's little reminders to us that what we think isn't important in the grand scheme of things may be all that matters to him.

Shari Lynne said... [Reply to comment]

Aww your Bangs are sooo cute! Love them.  Cute post too Torrie:) God's ways are definately best:)

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

You're so sweet Chelle! I love the example you shared about your fingernails. You're is so much easier to be an obedient wife, particularly when it suits my own purpose.  Thank God we are ALL a work in progress :-)

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks Sweetie! ♥

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

So true! All He's looking for is our obedience :)

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks Shari. ♥

Kate @ Teaching What Is Good said... [Reply to comment]

LOVE the bangs!!!

Cindy Scott said... [Reply to comment]

This is too funny. My husband has always patiently and quietly let me do my hair changes as I wish... but recently I decided to stop getting highlights and I colored my hair all brown... like my natural color. He told me that he doesn't like it... he wants it the way it was. I've been struggling whether to go the more natural way... or to honor him and go back to high maintenance. So thanks for your take on it!

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thank you Kate :)

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Your welcome, Cindy. It's been another week with my bangs and you know, I really do like them now, a lot!! Maybe you could do highlights again, but change up the color tones a bit...if your hubby doesn't mind. ;-) 

Jen Griffin said... [Reply to comment]

Great post Torrie!  Love your heart for your husband. :)  You look great in the new picture with your bangs.   I have been debating cutting my hair shorter lately and for years my husband told me he didn't care what my hair looked like, until now! :)  He just told me after almost 13 years that he likes my hair longer and would love it if I grew it out longer.  I was a bit shocked!  I always asked and he never said until now.  So, I guess I'm getting my hair trimmed and then growing it out. Honoring our husbands is not always easy but, it's what God wants us to do!  Love this!

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks Jen. I'd love to see your hair longer. I only remember it being like it is now. : )

Jamie said... [Reply to comment]

My husband hates bangs, too. And head bands for some reason. Ha ha! I don't really care and might try the bangs look if it wasn't for his total hatred of them. It really isn't so much of an obedience decision as it is a love decision for me, though. I want my husband to love how I look. Dressing in a way that he likes communicates to him that I am in love with him and value what he likes more than anyone else in my life. All of my girlish charm is for the purpose of wooing him for the rest of my life. It goes the opposite way, too. If I hate something that he wears, I tell him. Because I know that he wants me to be attracted to him just as much as I want to be attractive to him. Honestly, I think that this aspect of our marriage is one of the reasons our love feels more alive and fresh than it did 10 years ago when we walked down the aisle. 

I agree with everything you have said. I would just add the importance of cultivating the "desire" to please your husband. None of us want our spouse to do something for us out of responsibility or duty. All of us want to know that the person who wears our ring loves us so much that they would do anything for us. And it is that feeling of being loved that fans the flames for a passionate marriage. =)

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thank you for your comment. You are so right about having open lines of communication where you are able to share your likes and dislikes with him!

 I agree about cultivating the "desire" to please your husband. For many women, including myself, this is new territory. I've always sought my husband's opinion in big decisions; but not so much in the small everyday things (like how I wear my hair). This is an area I have been convicted in recently and I am working each day to be more like the wife He has called me to be according to His Word.  Sometimes you just don't "feel like" doing something. I didn't "feel like" changing my hairstyle to please my husband. I liked it the way it was. But because of obedience, I did it. By doing it even when I didn't want to, a seed was planted. Now, like you said, it's being cultivated into "desire" to please him in every area that I can.  

Dianne said... [Reply to comment]

Your bangs look great. I hope they grow on your husband- they really frame your face nicely.
So, on the subject of bangs (not yours, just bangs in general), many women try to grow out their bangs when they get older- me included. I think we are all trying to go for the "looks natural-I don't really care- they just happened to fall this way when I got out of bed- Jennifer Anniston look." The problem is that we generally start gaining weight when we get older and for whatever reason, not having bangs makes our faces look a little bigger and heavier (I think). I discovered this a few years back when I had grown out my bangs for several years and gained about 50 pounds in the process. I had a friend who kept tactfully telling me how cute I would look in bangs. I finally let her cut them. Whoa! What a huge difference! I instantly looked younger, more attractive, and my weight gain wasn't so obvious. I went back and looked at pictures of myself without bangs and I was really embarrassed (to my husband). I didn't realized how much better I looked with them. I did by the way, find pictures where I actually looked great with no bangs, but it was when I was much thinner. I don't know what it is about bangs. For a lot of women, it makes them look younger.
As a final note, it all depends how you cut them as well. If you cut them straight across, it might tend to look little girlish. I sort of texture mine and make sure I don't cut them too short (again, can tend to look little girly) and sweep them off to the side. But even if I don't sweep them off to the side, they still look ok as long as they are textured and long enough.
So I know you're thinking I missed the whole point of your post and it wasn't really about bangs. I really did understand your point! =D

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

I totally agree! I kept thinking that I was beginning to look older than I was. I had no idea how much younger I would look with bangs. Now I can't imagine NOT having them!!
You're right. They need to have some texture and not get too short. You would think that "they're bangs. How hard can it be to cut them?" Well, I've is!! Leave it to the pros and even they don't always get it right. I love my hairdresser, but I just don't like the ways she trims them. There is another lady at the salon that cut them when my regular sylisit wasn't there. She did a great job. Now I have one to cut my hair and another to trim my bangs. Crazy...I know!! :-)

Michy Loving Our Journey said... [Reply to comment]

Love it!!!! Completely understand!

Iris said... [Reply to comment]

I am not married...yet. My boyfriend & I have been together over 2 years now. I have bangs and many people were saying to go without. I put them up and asked my bf what he thought...nope, he didn't like it. The reason...he met me with bangs. :) Thankfully I like bangs. :)

Really goo post by the way! Submission starts when obeying doesn't come easy!

Sarah @ My Joy-Filled Life said... [Reply to comment]

I think you look great with bangs!! I have often wanted to cut my hair short just to try something different, but my husband likes my hair long; so long hair it is!

Theresa said... [Reply to comment]

I love your bangs!

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks Teresa :)

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

So true. It's great that you are submissive as a girlfriend. That is where it starts. It's so much easier to begin there than to try to change things after you are married!! God Bless

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Thanks Sarah!

Heyley Taber said... [Reply to comment]

It does say to submit to your husband BUT only if he loves you as Christ loved the church. In my opinion, your husband should want you to do what makes you happy with your hair, and therefore you wouldn't have to "submit" to his wishes against yours about your own hair. I really think a lot of women take this verse highly out of context into borderline male shovenism!

Torrie said... [Reply to comment]

Heyley, thank you for your comment. I totally agree with you in that the verse in Ephesians 5 have been misinterpreted for a long time, implying women to be a doormat...which is NOT what God intended. Submission is not a "doormat mentality". Ephesians 5:21 says we are to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. As a wife, we are to submit to our husband out of obedience to Christ more than any other reason. It's not about doing what makes me happy. It's about living a life of holiness.
I am blessed to have a Godly husband who leads our family according to the Word of God. However, he is in NO WAY forcing his suggestions and opinions on me. He makes his opinion known, I listen and if I disagree we are able to openly talk about my concerns, and he listens. However, I need to be open that even in areas (like my hair) that may seem to affect only me, he has an opinion and he may be right. This is one of those time. I wasn't happy about trying bangs styled as he suggested. It was new and outside my comfort zone. But he was right! I LOVE them, not because he wanted me to wear them this way, but because I like the way they look. As wives, we need to learn to listen to our husbands, allow them to lead as Christ intended. We so desire them to be strong spiritual leaders of our families & homes, but too often we don't get out of the way and give them the freedom, support and encouragement to do what God has called them to do.

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