It started with a renewed disappointment in myself. I know you've all had those days. You don't like any of your clothes, your sick of your current hairstyle, and even your "new" makeup just doesn't seem to hide enough imperfections. Then I saw a recent picture of myself which just echoed all of my insecurities. I thought I would drown my woe-is-me in the mountain of laundry I had to do. It helped for awhile. Then the master of insecurities came...my mothering. I adore my kids, they are my world along with my wonderful husband. But I never felt like I was a good mom. It's something I've worked very hard at for the past several years & thought I had overcome. But ever once in a while Satan throws it back in my face and old feelings resurface. For several months now, we've been working with Logan on the way he talks to adults, his back talking, smart remarks, and general attitude. One minute he can be so sweet, caring & kind...and the next he's totally disrespectful. Not sure if it's his age, the move, still adjusting to sharing us with Leah or all of the above (I think it's all of the above). No matter what we take away or method of discipline we try it hasn't worked. As soon as the punishment is over, he's right back to his current status. Needless to say, this plays right into my insecurity of being a mom. It didn't at first, but as times gone on it's taken a toll.
After an especially rough dinner, I came to the computer and began to read a blog that was up on the screen. It said, "insecurity is the Devil’s playground. Or maybe the Devil’s battleground is a better word. His weapons attack from every side, and usually leave a wound. It’s a constant war to not let the 'what kind of mother am I?' questions run away with my emotions–and my peace." WOW! Isn't God amazing. He knew just what I needed in that moment. It was then that I realized that Logan's attitude is probably nothing more than the enemy's way of attacking our family. That was just the ammunition I needed to go on the offensive in this spiritual battle.
Here are some verses that were listed on that blog. I pray you find them as encouraging as I did.
“You will be secure, because there is hope . . . ” Job 11:18a, NIV
“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will know what God wants you to do, and you will know how good and pleasing and perfect his will really is.” Romans 12:2, NLT
“In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one.” Ephesians 6:16, NIV
“Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2, NASB
“We use our powerful God-tools for smashing warped philosophies, tearing down barriers erected against the truth of God, fitting every loose thought and emotion and impulse into the structure of life shaped by Christ.” 2 Corinthians 10:5, MSG